Forget a Mentor, Build a Team

I’ve never been one to actively seek a mentor. That’s not to say that seeking a mentor is wrong or bad, it has just never felt quite right to me. Back when I graduated from college in the late 1980s, finding or having a mentor wasn’t “mainstream.” But over the last decade or so, the concept of having a mentor has taken off. Many sharp business minds are weighing in on the importance of having a mentor, and there are countless articles, blogs, and even some books with tips on finding the perfect one. Today, people are actively encouraged to find mentors and are making strides to do so early in their careers.
I’ve been asked to be a mentor on a number of occasions. I must admit, it feels good to be asked for advice. However, I find it interesting that frequently the people asking me, do so as they are meeting me for the first time. I recall one instance where I was at a cocktail party having a nice conversation with a group of people. By the end of the conversation, one of them pulled me aside and asked if I would be their mentor. While I applauded their courage in asking, I didn’t understand why anyone would want a mentor that didn’t know them.
In my mind, if a mentor is to do what I think mentor is suppose to do, they would play a pivotal role in shaping and guiding someone through their career. Yes, they are probably wise, experienced, and have a proven track record. They are likely apt at giving sage advice. However – and perhaps most importantly – they should care about you, and your success and growth. It should be important to them. How else would they justify the time and attention spent working with you?
That said, I think there’s another, and for me, better way of achieving the objective of having a mentor – build a team. Build a team of people who know you and whom you also know well. Build a team of people who know you from different aspects and times of your life. I believe the right team can offer much better perspectives on more issues than any single person, no matter how accomplished or wise.
First, building the right team addresses a major issue I have with the mentor-mentee relationship – it’s “one way” nature. The mentor is giving, while the mentee is taking. I don’t know many successful relationships where this dynamic works long-term. For a mentor/mentee relationship to be successful, it needs to be reciprocal. However, the very nature of the mentor/mentee relationship isn’t built to be reciprocal. Teams can be reciprocal. For people on my “team,” I’m generally also on theirs.
Take “Team Jim”, which is comprised of my wife, a couple of friends from college, several former partners of mine from Boston Consulting Group (BCG), a group friends from business school, and a few people I’ve met in my career. They are all accomplished people in different fields. They all know me well, though from very different times of my life. They know my abilities and my personality. They know my strengths and weaknesses.
When I left Delta Air Lines after serving as COO, a new CEO had just been appointed, and I found myself in a transition period. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do next. I was presented with a few amazing and, admittedly, overwhelming offers, but I was still working through the hurt that comes after you leave a job you love, and I needed advice. A sub-set of “Team Jim” immediately called a ‘team meeting’. They opened their schedules and flew to Minneapolis to be with me and discuss my next move. “Team Jim’s” members come from different fields and they have unique perspectives, which helped me weigh the pros and cons of each opportunity. In fact, before my interview with Red Hat, I had one member of “Team Jim” pore over the public details of the company with me. This ultimately helped me see the intrinsic value of open source technology and compelled me to want to be a part of that community and join Red Hat.
Bottom line: “Team Jim” is a group of people who know me. It’s not a forced relationship. They want to help because they are my friends. Most importantly, while they are on my team, I’m also on theirs. In the way they flew to Minneapolis to pow-wow with me, I would gladly do the same for them. I care about them and want to see them succeed. The sincere, reciprocal nature of our relationships make them valuable and sustainable. I want people on “Team Jim” who can grow with me and help me along my professional journey - not to simply be there for moments along the way. Similarly, I want to be on their teams for the long haul and help them succeed.
So, how do you build a team? Start by considering people you interact with everyday. Friends from school, teachers, or members of your professional network are good ideas. I typically suggest staying away from people you currently work with. Even though you can have the best of friends at work and build solid relationships with colleagues, if you ever decide to leave your job, it can be hard having someone from work on your team who can objectively weigh your next move. That said, I have several former colleagues from BCG whom I frequently turn to for advice, and vice versa. Since we no longer work together, we can be completely objective and honest with each other.
In essence, your team should be on the sidelines of your life, cheering you on. They are the ones watching the game, following the plays, tracking the moves as they unfold, and ready to jump in when the whistle blows. They’re ready when you need them, and want to see you win. I believe that a team, not one lone mentor, can best help you make it to the big game. And in the end…isn’t making it to the big game what it’s all about?
Photo by dearbarbie / flickr